Yesterday, I was looking through my Facebook news feed when I came across a link to an interesting blog post called “Virgin Lips: 7 Reasons Why I Waited to Kiss My Wife on Our Wedding Day.” In the post, Cornelius Lindsay shares the reasons that he chose not to kiss his wife prior to marriage. For a lot of people, the whole concept may sound strange, but it is something that I have been contemplating for over a decade.In prior posts, I had already explained that strange looks that I get when people find out that at my age, I do not have a virginity loss story. However, I neglected to mention that I also do not have a first kiss story. It’s a little-known fact that I typically don’t feel the need to share.
When I was younger, it bothered me. I had already made up my mind that I wasn’t having premarital sex, but kissing was another story. The guys my age would always brag about their exploits and I would end up thinking that I was a mutant of some sort because the opportunities never came. (The girls my age tended to view me as a brother. To this day, it’s something that still happens a lot.) Eventually, I decided that I was fine keeping my lips to myself. It made me feel like I was rebelling against society’s expectations for a teenager and that made me feel empowered until I had to explain myself to my friends. Then things would get awkward.
Several years have passed since then, but in my own way, I still feel like a rebel. (For those of you who are very deep Bible scholars, I am aware what I Samuel 15:23 says about rebellion, but that is in reference to rebelling against God and not against man. I thought I should clear that up before someone tries to set me straight in my comments.) My current friends actually respect my choices. They often go out of their way to make sure that I stick with my choices–even if it means scaring away women with motivations that they deem suspicious. It’s safe to say that my future wife will have more trouble navigating her way through my friends than she will dealing with my family. (That’s quite a claim considering that my mom seems like she won’t be happy with a daughter-in-law who is anything less than a Beyonce clone with the heart of Mother Theresa.)
For the most part, my “no kissing” rule hasn’t been an issue. I have been in a few good relationships, though one of my exes later admitted to feeling that I was using the rule as an excuse to reject her. A former male friend of mine actually used my rule as a means of questioning my sexuality. I shrugged it off because my sexuality had been questioned for less. (Later, I realized what his true intentions were after he later attempted to kiss me. Needless to say, that friendship didn’t end well.) Still, I made up my mind that the gift I would have for my future wife would be worth all the the trouble that I had experienced in protecting it.
Therefore, I really appreciated reading Cornelius Lindsey’s blog post. Although his story is not exactly like mine, he is about my age and the premise is similar. He had been in other relationships and had kissed other women. However, he decided to try something different while dating the woman that he would later marry. Since then, he and his wife Heather have been sharing their story around the world and on the internet. They have several posts the offer practical relationship advice to young adults. The two of them have amassed quite a following. (Heather Lindsey shows up on my Twitter timeline often because some of my female friends enjoy retweeting her.) Indeed, their success has given me hope both for my ministry and for my future relationships.
Because I still have a bit of a sense of humor about the topic, check out this song. I was very excited to find out that Carl Thomas was on the radio again. Hearing him brought me back to my teenage years. I know that he didn’t write this song with this post’s message in mind, the lyrics are surprising applicable, though I don’t feel like Snoop Dogg needed two verses.
Carl Thomas featuring Snoop Dogg – Don’t Kiss Me