Those of you who have followed this blog since the beginning know that I have written extensively about my six years of singleness. Well, God used a random Facebook message from three weeks ago to bring those six-year period to a close. This is neither the time nor the place to go into details of the events that have occurred (though knowing me, I’ll likely talk about it someday). However, I figured I could dedicate this post to talking about six things I have learned from my six years of singleness.
People have been pretty surprised when I mention that my last relationship ended over six years ago. Sometimes, I’m amused just thinking about it. The only explanation I have is that God wanted me to go through a lengthy season of preparation. I grew a lot as a person. In fact, I barely resemble the young graduate student I was in 2006. (For starters, I didn’t even start locking my hair until December 2006.) Here are six of the lessons I have learned in the past six years.
1. Quality beats quantity.
Over the years, I have had a few friends who implied something was wrong with me just because I didn’t feel the need to develop a lot of surface relationships. Unlike some of my
former friends, my self-worth was not linked to the number of women whose phone numbers I had collected after a night on the town. Instead, I was looking for a certain type of woman with decent conversation skills.
2. The club scene is overrated.
I am still not sure how exactly people expect to form relationships at the club. The rooms are dark and crowded, the music is loud, and people are generally intoxicated. From my perspective, the only reasons to go to the club are to hang out with friends and to observe interesting social phenomena (meaning converse among my friends about how ridiculous people look).
3. It is better to be single than to settle.
I won’t lie and say that I didn’t have any opportunities to get into relationships over the past six years. Truth be told, I had plenty–especially in recent years. However, I followed my instincts and decided against pursuing any of those opportunities. My stubbornness paid off and I managed to make some good female friends who had no problem explaining the dating world to me from a woman’s perspective.
4. Strong connections are rare and often don’t go along with one’s preconceived schedules.
Some people can know each other for a few days and realize that they belong together. Other people can know each other for years and never feel any kind of spark. There’s no real way to predict what will happen when two people meet, but a strong connection can’t be ignored.
5. Real friends know your type.
As seen in prior blog posts, my friends were often plotting on how to end my six years of singleness. My two friends A and B ended up bringing their own candidates to the table. B did a very good job. Unfortunately, he did such a good job that A also ended up liking B’s candidate and I ended up backing down in order to preserve our doomed friendship. (And yes, the girl who ended my 6 year streak shares some attractive qualities with B’s candidate.)
6. God has a way of working through the unexpected.
After six years, I wasn’t actively looking to be in a relationship and certainly not the way it happened. Nonetheless, I was able to see that God was at the root of it and I am looking forward to the things that he will teach me in this new era of my life.
How about you? Have you had any extended periods of singleness? What did you learn?