A few weeks ago, I made the decision to take a break from this blog. I realized that I was very stressed out about some things that were happening in my life and I didn’t necessarily want this blog to become the place where I aired all that dirty laundry. Instead, I figured that I should step away and dedicate some extra time to praying and seeking advice from the many wise people the God has placed in my life. The following is an excerpt from one of my prayers during that time period.
God, I know you are there. You have always been there. I can see your work through the many opportunities that you continue to give me. I can see your work through the great people you have placed around me. I am thankful for your presence in my life and the many blessings that you have bestowed upon me. However, I have this dilemma. People are very quick to tell me about all the potential that I have to make a difference in the world. They tell me how important my research and overall goals in life are to the next generation. I am sure that you have placed those people there to be sources of encouragement. The problem is that hearing that encouragement only reminds me that I am struggling to get by. It frightens me to know that I am just one slight financial misstep away from not being able to finish my education, yet everything that I have tried to do to improve my finances has been blocked in some way. I know that you haven’t abandoned me. Even in the midst of the struggle, I can see that you are working things out for my good. My prayer is that you will help me to be satisfied with knowing that you are at work even when I do not understand what it is that you are doing. Help me to trust you more.
My son, don’t worry about the doors that have closed. They were not in my plan for you. You are important to me. I know it’s not easy, but I won’t let you fail. Trust me.
Needless to say, it’s still a lesson I am trying to learn.